Love in the time of war
by PandaGurl20
Summary: Being an army wife is difficult you worry because of "not knowing". Not knowing when they will come home and not knowing if they will come home. This is the life and troubles they face! Couples : Ed&Bells Jasp&Alice Rose&Em Carl
1. Chapter 1 The breaking point

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the twilight saga or characters: However the story here is MINE! =))

**Summary: **Being an army wife is difficult you worry because of "not knowing". Not knowing when they will come home and not knowing if they will come home. This is the life and troubles they face! Couples : Ed&Bells Jasp&Alice Rose&Em

**Alice and Jasper:** Last name Whitlock.

**Rosalie and Emmett:** Last name McCarthy

**Edward & Bells**: last name "Cullen"

**Ages**

Alice: 19

Jasper: 28

Rose: 22

Emmett: 25

Edward: 27

Bella: 20

**Love in the time of War**

The most devastating news is to hear that your loved one isn't coming home and waiting is torture. The not knowing if and when they are coming home is the worse pain imaginable. You watch and read stories about it all the time, but unless you are experiencing it yourself you have no idea what it's like. The separation is difficult. People asked if I was nuts when I accepted his marriage proposal. I was a simple girl from a small town of Forks, and I hadn't experienced much of the world outside my safety net... Little girls always have dreams of being swept away by their prince charming, right? After all, he sure did look good in his uniform. But them leaving is something that is bound to happen with their profession, that don't make it easier though. Especially when your only been an army wife for relatively a year which makes you practically newlyweds.

The first Christmas we shared was special other then I had been nausea for a week prior to that. I could tell that my husband Edward was worried; he always was very protective over me. That was when I got the best Gift that Christmas me and Edward was going to be parents. Then the day came for his leave and it was devastating, it was always hard for me to let him go. What had I gotten myself into? How could this be so unfair? I got angry, and I felt so helpless. I felt like screaming out at the top of my lungs, but instead I just leaned against the kitchen counter, and cried to myself. I didn't want him to see. Maybe if he didn't see, he would think I was strong. I felt so pressured. All the other wives seemed to handle it so much better when their husbands were sent away. Why couldn't I be like them? I guess most of my emotions where due to my pregnancy. I knew that I had to be strong for him and for my unborn child.

I meet some other woman during my marriage and we all shared a strong bond, because we were going through the same things. All of us were Army wives and it was good to have someone who understood you. There was Alice Whitlock who is married to Jasper Whitlock and his rank in the army is Sargent Major. Alice is also the younger sister of my husband Edward Cullen whose rank in the army is Sergeant first class. The next in are bond of sisters is Rosalie McCarthy Who is married to Emmitt McCarthy whose rank is Master Sergeant. Being Pregnant was another surge of mixed emotions. I was so glad to have this life growing inside me, but yet so distraught that my family could not be there with me to share in it.

RoseandAlice came over bringing her little girl named Emily who had an equal resemblance to both her parents. She had Jaspers blonde locks, Alice's eyes and personality. She was just as hyper as her mother. This made me wonder what my child would look like. I had hopped it got more from his/her father then me, especially my klutziness and my plain looks. Edward had charm, grace, intelligence, good looks and beautiful jade eyes. I had always wondered how I ended up with someone so perfect. His face was perfectly sculpted, like the rest of his body. High cheekbones, straight nose, perfect full lips and his crooked smile that always had me melting in his arms. He was muscular but not as muscular as his friend Emmett, but still lean and strong. He was just impossibly handsome almost Godlike in his looks. I was now eight months pregnant and I found out at sixteen weeks that I was going to have a little girl; I just wish that Edward could have been there to experience that with me. I now had only one month to go and the Doctor said that the baby could arrive a month early. Alice and Rose where such a good help to me even when I refused they would stay and help.

Rose took Emily from Alice and went into the kitchen so that she could help to cook one of her specialties green bean casserole, Turkey breast, gravy and mashed potatoes. She was a wonderful cook and the first time I had tasted her cooking I was in heaven, it was the best food I had ever tasted. Rose even gave me a few recipes that have been passed down from generation to generation in her family. I noticed that Alice had a bag in her hand and she placed it on the floor to give me a hug. For a small "pixie" she was strong. "Bella I have missed you dearly, look at you your lovely and guess what I brought you some clothes." Alice said bouncing up and down to reach into a bag and pull out a silk dress, pair of designer pants, and shirts. Alice loved to shop and she had bought me so many fashionable clothing since I have been married to her brother. I loved Alice she was the sister I never had, but me and her was total opposite in taste. Emily had flower on her so Alice had to give her a bath before we ate Dinner she was so adorable.

After Dinner and Emily was in bed we talked about are husbands and how we missed them. No one ever wants to hear the news that they're going away. But it's inevitable in this day and age. Wives complain all the time about how hard it is for them to deal with, but I wonder how many stop to think about their husbands feelings. They are trained to be tough, and I have met some so lacking in emotion it's a wonder they found wives, but I know that it has to choke them up at least a little. I wouldn't want to be on the other end. I can't imagine watching my spouse and child standing there, looking into the bus window, waving goodbye to me yet again.

I felt sorry for Emily and my unborn child. Emily was a Daddy's girl, and she cries for days when he leaves. But boy, does she get a smile when that phone rings and it's him, calling to tell her how much he loves her. It must be hard to see your children in pictures and not be able to hold them. There are so many out there right now with children they've never even met. Alice had to leave because Emily had school in the morning. Rose later left because she had to work in the morning. When I had first found out where Rose worked I was shocked, she was this beautiful woman who had style and grace and looked like a super model or belonged on the cover of a magazine, defiantly not a mechanic. She just never seemed like the type who would get dirty…but then again appearances can be deceiving.

After everyone left I decided to go to bed early. I walked into the bedroom me and Edward shared when he was home and walked over to the dresser and pulled out my pajamas to go and take a bath. I walked into the bathroom and got out a towel and the things I would need to bath. Then turned the water on to get warm as I took off my clothing, after the water got warm I stepped into the tub and let the warm water sooth and relax me. I put my favorite body wash on that made me smell like strawberries the smell that Edward loved. I lathered and then rinsed all the soap off and after I was clean I stepped out of the tub and with my klutziness I about feel getting out. After I got my balance and was sure I wasn't going to fall I grabbed the towel to dry my body and hair. Then got dressed and combed my hair. I opened the conjoined door and walked into the main room to get in bed. As I was in bed it felt lonely and empty without Edward in bed with me. I wanted so much to be able to cuddle up to him and soak in the heat of his body and feel the comfort of having him next to me. I had always thought he was my pillow because my head was always on his chest when he was in bed with me.

The next morning I awoke and went down stairs to fix some breakfast. I was supposed to head over to my doctor's appointment at 2:00 so that Carlisle could check and see if me and the baby where healthy. So after I ate some breakfast I went upstairs to change into a pair of my maternity clothes Alice got me since my normal clothing wouldn't fit. After I changed and got everything ready I grabbed my keys and left the house. I had to make some stops so I left the house early to get my check cashed and to put gas in the car. I arrived at the Doctors office at 1:55 and signed my name on the list in front of the window. I went over in the waiting area to wait my name to be called. My cell phone ringed and I looked at it and seen it was Alice. "Hey Alice what's up?" I asked as I waited impatiently for my name to be called. "Hey I was wondering how the appointment went?" Alice asked and I could hear Emily in the background yelling Bell Bell. "I haven't gone in yet," I said just as a nurse I recognized named Leah called my name. "Hey Alice that's me I have to go," I said and hung up. I walked into the office and lay on the bed which was highly uncomfortable and waited for Dr. Carlisle Cullen to enter the room.

At 2:15 Dr. Cullen walked in and smiled at me and asked, "Hey Isabella how are you feeling today?" When you looked at Dr. Cullen you could see where Edward got his good looks, charm, intelligence and grace from all of Edwards's family where so kind and graceful. "I'm feeling fine today Carlisle," Bella said smiling up at the man who was more of a father then her own father Charlie. After he done his few tests and feeling something cold on my stomach I looked over to the screen and seen my princess. Though I haven't met her yet I love her more than life itself. "It appears everything is doing fine she has a good heart beat and is healthy," Carlisle said. After all the tests and I was released I went out to the car and made my way home.

I walked into the house and pulled off my shoes and went into the kitchen to get me something to drink that's when I heard it, the knock at the door. _That's odd;_ I thought to myself, _who could it be at 3:30 in the afternoon? _I made my way slowly through the house and as I approached the front door I could hear two men quietly talking to each other on the front porch. It was probably girl scouts selling cookies or something. I opened the door to the last two men I wanted to see. There on our front porch stood two Army officers dressed in the dress uniforms. A thousands different things ran through my head, none of them good. "May I help you gentlemen," I said, trying to keep my voice under control, my heart was racing. The man on the right looked sad as he looked at my baby bump and then to my face and asked, "Are you Mrs. Isabella Cullen?" "Yes I am," I said quietly as I braced myself for the news they were bringing. "Mrs. Cullen, we are here on behalf of the United States Army to regrettable informing you that Sergeant First Class Edward A.M. Cullen was killed in action in Iraq on April 11th 2010." And with those words my word came crashing down around me. My husband was gone. I was never going to get to hold him in my arms, never going to get to kiss him again. My daughter was going to grow up without a father whom they never got to meet. How could this happen to me? I collapsed to the ground as the sobs shook through my body. All I could think was he was gone. The one on the left quickly dropped to his knees "I'm sorry," was all he said as he helped me up off the ground. They let me know that the casket would be coming in tomorrow at 4 pm and gave me a number of the funeral services on base. I nodded my head before shutting the door. Once the door was closed a fresh set of tears started to fall. I stood there with my back against the door and cried.


	2. Chapter 2 21 gun salute

Chap 2

I knew that someone had to tell Carlisle, Esme and Alice to let them know. I felt empty the house I was in felt empty he was my other halve, my soul mate. I knew I had to compose myself before I called his relatives to let them know the devastating news but I just couldn't stop the tears. It broke my heart to be the one to tell them, I went into the living room and picked up the phone and decided to call Renee. "Hello?" my mother answered. When she did all I could do was burst into to tears. "Bella is that you? Bella what's wrong," she asked, concern rising in her voice. "He's gone," I kept repeating, like the more times I said the more it would sink in. I felt like it was a nightmare I was living and eventually I would wake up and he would be here kissing me and telling me everything was going to be alright. "I'll be right over," she said as she hung up the phone. I could tell in her voice she was devastated but I think she was trying to be strong for me, Edward was like her son and as I placed my hand on my stomach as more tears fell down and I had to grip the counter for support.

"Bella?" my mother's voice sounded the empty house. I couldn't even make a sound, and she found my there sitting my arms wrapped around my knees, rocking back and forth a little, like I used to do as a kid. She found me in the kitchen "Oh Bella," she said taking me into her arms. She comforted me for God knows how long, sitting there rubbing my back. I had calmed down a little but I knew that I would never be the same. Since I had calmed down some enough to talk I pulled back and looked at her. "I need you to call Carlisle Esme and Alice for me. The casket will be flown in tomorrow and then…" I trailed off not wanting to think about it, not wanting to think that I would never see my husband walk through them doors again. Renee nodded and hesitated before she walked into the living room to Call Carlisle, Esme and Alice. I didn't cry again, not for the rest of the night and not when Edward's parents came and checked on me. I felt empty, like a zombie. They stayed the night because they were afraid to leave me and when they were asleep and I was all alone in the bed I had shared so many nights with my husband in, the tears came again. I cried into the pillow that was on Edward's side, knowing that he would never sleep in this bed with me again, and that I never cuddle up to his sleeping body on cold nights. I cried for my daughter that would never get to know her father. I cried and cried until I fell asleep.

The next few days were just as bad as the first. The whole family went to Fort Bragg to watch Edward's casket return home. Family came in from many different parts of the country, Jane his cousin and her husband Demetri from Houston and his brother Felix, and his wife Chelsea from Seattle, all offering kind words to me about Edward. My mother and Edward's parents sat with me while we planned the funeral. Esme held me in her arms while I cried away from everyone else. I tried my best to be strong, because I knew Edward would want me to be brave and not cry. Jasper had come in for Alice to bring her some comfort and looking at them two made me long for Edward to be here. One of the Army officers made an announcement that Edwards's body hadn't been recovered; he was missing in action so he was presumed dead, so the casket was empty, because they said that it was unlikely for them to find the body in enemy territory. Alice gave me a sad smile, and I attempted to give her one in return. Rose walked in with Emmett and seat beside of Alice and Jasper.

But today, today was the hardest. I woke up fixed breakfast, just before all the family came over, dressed in black with sadness painted on their faces. Today was a day that none of us thought and hoped would come. My mother offered to fix breakfast letting me have some time to myself. I walked through the bedroom and into the bathroom and started the shower and as the water heated, I looked around the bathroom and let my mind drift to those many small moments that Edward and I shared here. Even the smallest thing, like standing side by side brushing our teeth meant so much now. I tried to let the hot water wash away the sadness that filled my body, but I knew nothing would make that hurt go away today. Today was going to be hard and I didn't know if I could make it through today.

I took my time getting ready, brushing out my hair, stepping into the simple black dress that Edward had loved so much, securing the strand of pearls, that he had given me for Christmas, around my neck, applying a small amount of make-up on my face, Edward never liked it when I wore too much make-up, he said I had a natural beauty and didn't need to paint my face to achieve it. I stepped into my black pumps and stood in front of the mirror, inspecting myself, I'm always fussing over myself. If Edward were here he would have come up behind me and wrap his arms around me and tell my how beautiful I looked. It made me wrap my own arms around my body as the tears started to fill my eyes as all the sudden I felt very alone. More alone then I have ever felt in my life.

"Bella" I heard my mother's voice come from the door." Bella it is time to go," she said coming over to me and giving me a hug. I started trembling and she wrapped her arm around me to keep me from falling. The service, which took place at the Main Post Chapel, was short and sweet with wonderful words about the man and soldier my Edward had been. Then we followed the hearse to the cemetery where so many soldiers like Edward had been buried. We followed the Chaplin and the Honor Guard as they carried the flag draped cover to the gravesite. It was a perfectly cloudless day, the days that Edward loved so much, which brought a small smile to my face. I sat in the front, with Alice and Rose to my right, Alice with her arm laced with mine. The Chaplin said his words and they started folding the flag. 13 folds, and with each fold it got more and more difficult to keep the tears at bay. A boy, not much older than Edward had been when he enlisted, walked towards me with my husband's folded flag in his arms. He stopped and kneeled in front of me, with the flag in his hands. "As a representative of the United States Army, it is my high privilege to present you this flag. Let it be a symbol of the grateful appreciation this nation feels for the distinguished service rendered to our country and our flag by your loved one," he said as he placed the flag in my hands. Three volleys of shots fired in honor of the deceased my husband; each with a chilling boom, making me jumps a little every time. And a lone bugler started the first notes of "Taps" in the distance as I clutched the flag to my chest, letting the tears run down my checks. I looked around then, to my family that surrounded me. I watched Carlisle one of the strongest men I knew, chin quiver as he tried to control his emotions and hugged his wife Esme into his side, my mother was in a similar state. Alice, his sister, was crying into her husband's shoulder and Emmett tried to comfort an equal distraught Rosalie. You could tell that it was affected both Jasper and Emmett but they tried to stay strong for their wife's. Edwards's flag still clutched to my chest. "I love you Edward," I whispered as the last notes of "Taps" played and I watched my husband being lowered into the ground.

I didn't know how I was going to live in the house me and him shared for a little over a year. We had been seeing each other for three years before he proposed to me, which was one of the happiest days of my life, and then the marriage and soon the birth of are child. My mother looked at me and said, "I know it hurts sweetie but at least you have a part of him with you always," And placed her hand on my stomach. I knew that at least I had something from Edward he gave me a gift. The pain however was still unbearable. Alice even offered for me to stay at her place so that I wouldn't have to go inside that house. But I knew I would have to face it eventually and I wanted to be alone. I knew I wasn't the only one grieving over the loss of Edward Cullen, but it was just too difficult to look at Alice when she resembled her brother so much.

I walked into my house looking around the room, my chest hurt. The house itself seemed dead the life it once held vanished. Nothing but darkness and despair lingered inside its web. It was mine and Edwards home, he even got it built the way I wanted it. Just thinking about the day Edward surprised me with a new house brought tears to my eyes.

****Flashback*******

"Edward, are we there yet?" I asked not liking the idea of being blind folded. Edward looked at his wife and said, "Almost just a little while longer, I promise you will love it." It seemed forever before the Volvo came to a stop. I heard a door open and close then my door opens "Okay Bella now take my hand and follow me," Edward said. I placed my hand in his and he helped me out of the car. "Edward can I take the blind folds off, so that I can see and not trip," I asked. I felt Edwards lips on my forehead and he said, "Bella you trust me right? " Edward asked and I smiled and nodded yes. "Then trust me I won't let you fall, I will always be here to catch you, I love you bells." Edward said making me blush. Edward took my hand and we started walking and then he stopped. "Okay Bella you can take it off now," Edward said. I took off my blind folds and gasped there in front of me stood my dream house. "What you think of our house?" Edward asked. I looked at him and asked "I…is it really ours?" Edward smiled his crooked smile that I love and said, "Yes it is ours." I couldn't help the wide smile that crossed my face and I launched myself in Edwards's arms. "I love you," I said as I laid my head on his shoulder and he carried me bridal style inside are new home.

*****End of flashback******

I cried all that night as I dreamt of me and Edward. Are life together and the life he would never get to meet, I cried for my daughter who would never get to know her father.


	3. Chapter 3 The New Cullen

Chap 3

For the past week I haven't been able to sleep and when I do drift off I am haunted by dreams of my Edward. This had been a hard week for all who knew and loved Edward. Jasper and Emmett had to leave after the funeral, which devastated Rose and Alice because they feared they wouldn't return. You hear all the time about people in the army going and not coming home, but once it happen to someone you know it is devastating. Many times I would hear of some getting captured by the enemy. I had hoped and prayed that it wasn't my Edward. Then when I received a call or letter to let me know he was safe and he missed me made me relax knowing he was alright. I no longer will be able to get them letters or phone calls that were few and far between. I dread telling my daughter of her father because of the pain it awakens when I talk about him. That is what I have been calling "Him" instead of his name. Everyone won't bring up his name, even though Rose and Alice have tried to get me to talk. I know they are going through the same thing but I just can't find myself able to speak about him. He is always on my mind night or day and where I haven't been able to sleep there is dark circles under my eyes. Carlisle is worried about the child I'm carrying because stress isn't good for a baby. That is all I have been is depressed and trying to block myself from the outside world and curl up on our bed.

I haven't been able to eat much nor keep anything down, I'm always depressed and though my mother has been staying here trying to take care of me and let me know I have a child to take care of. I know that Edward wouldn't want me to behave like this; he would want me to be strong for him and the baby. It is just so hard to be strong when you're breaking.

I hear a knock at the door which brings me back to the memories of the two Army officers. I can't believe this has happened. I place my hand on my heart and brace myself as memories flash in my head I get overwhelmed and feel a sharp pain in my abdomen, which makes me hunch over. The pain subsides and I walk over to the door and see Alice smiling up at me and then frowns once she sees me hunch over. "Bella are you okay?" Alice asked concern in her voice. The pain is so intense that I couldn't speak as I grasp the door so I don't fall over. "Bella you need to go to the hospital in case there is something wrong with the baby" Alice says. Fear is what I felt in that instant; fear that I would lose something so special that had half of Edward and me in her.

Then I felt it the cool liquid substance, "Alice my water just broke." Alice runs into the house and gets the bag and helps me to her car and I could tell she was nervous. "Alice just calm down it's going to be alright." I tell her trying to calm her. We arrive at the hospital and Carlisle is the doctor who is going to deliver my child. The nurse rushed me up into a room as I felt another contraction. "Breath Bella" Alice says while she holds my hand. Rose runs in the room and looks over at me and Alice. "How are you Bella?" Rose asks. "I'm….." I start to say as another contraction accurse. "Alice where is Emily?" Rose asks as she kept her eyes on me. "She is with Esme and there on their way here," Alice says. Carlisle comes inside and checks to see how dilated I am because the contractions where becoming more frequent, longer, and stronger, and my cervix begin dilating more quickly. "You are dilated 5cm so you have to wait a little while before giving birth the cervix has to be fully dilated when it has opened 10cm the," Carlisle says.

About three hours later the contractions are coming every five minutes, the pain is intense. Rose runs to get the doctor while Alice stays holding my hand. Carlisle comes in with Rose and he looks at me and says, "Let's see how dilated you are Isabella." Carlisle begins to check as another Contraction happen this one more painful than the last and I have to grip the sheet. "Looks like it is time" Carlisle says

"PUSH" Rose and Alice say at the same time. I push and the pain is unimaginable, but I know it will be well worth it to hold mine and Edwards's daughter. "Just a little more Isabella" Carlisle says as I scream. I continue pushing for what seems like forever. "Okay I see the head Isabella so give me one big push" Carlisle says. I push with everything in me and then I hear crying. I look and see Carlisle holding mine and Edwards little girl. Carlisle hands the little girl over to the nurse and she cleans her up and places her in my arms. I notice she has Edwards jade eyes and tears start to come. Tears I shade for her father and tears I shade over happiness to have something so precious. Once I held my little girl and looked at her I knew there was love at first sight. "So Isabella have you thought of a name?" Carlisle asked. I thought about it and I wanted to incorporate Edward in her name. "Hazel Edwina Cullen," I say looking at Carlisle to see what he thinks and I see him smile at the name knowing it is honoring his son and my husband. "I think that is a wonderful name," Carlisle says as he leans over and kisses Hazel on her forehead.


End file.
